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I Only Say This Because I Love

by Deborah Tannen
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Product Details

  • Publisher: Ballantine Books
  • Publishing date: 28/05/2002
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-13: 9780345407528
  • ISBN: 0345407520

Synopsis

Why does talk in families so often go in circles, leaving us tied up in knots? In this illuminating book, Deborah Tannen, the linguist and and bestselling author of You Just Don't Understand and many other books, reveals why talking to family members is so often painful and problematic even when we're all adults. Searching for signs of acceptance and belonging, we find signs of disapproval and rejection. Why do the seeds of family love so often yield a harvest of criticism and judgment? In I Only Say This Because I Love You, Tannen shows how important it is, in family talk, to learn to separate word meanings, or messages, from heart meanings, or metamessages — unstated but powerful meanings that come from the history of our relationships and the way things are said. Presenting real conversations from people's lives, Tannen reveals what is actually going on in family talk, including how family conversations must balance the longing for connection with the desire for control, as we struggle to be close without giving up our freedom.

This eye-opening book explains why grown women so often feel criticized by their mothers; and why mothers feel they can't open their mouths around their grown daughters; why growing up male or female, or as an older or younger sibling, results in different experiences of family that persist throughout our lives; and much, much more. By helping us to understand and redefine family talk, Tannen provides the tools to improve relationships with family members of every age.

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  • I Only Say This Because I Love You
    From Amazon

    Very good! Helps you to see the complicated dynamics in family matters. It was recommended to me by a counselor at my church. She uses it in her practice.

  • Slightly disappointing
    From Amazon

    I was so looking forward to figuring out my 5 siblings, but it didn't happen. The book starts off well, but gets bogged down in too much psycho babble and I couldn't finish it. Not light, easy reading. I don't like to have to think that much.

  • Great read
    From Amazon

    This book is fun to read. The book is so true to life. Good read to help understand different view points people have in situations.

  • You Need to read this Book!
    From Amazon

    Everyone with a family should read this book. It has excellent examples and you will recognize the conversations and situations because you have heard or participated in very similar communication fiascoes.

  • Extremely informative
    From Amazon

    I have used the information in this book to enhance my communication and relationship skills with my family and others I work with. I believe the book is worth the time reading!

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